Ah, Valentine’s Day. The holiday that nobody likes unless they’re in a loving, committed relationship. But hey, we’re not bitter. And if anything, we believe in making lemonade out of lemons (but not the Beyoncé kind, because we’re too single to be cheated on). I mean, it’s a whole day dedicated to the celebration of love, right? Well, who says that love is only for the couples? After all, we love our parents, we love our friends, we love our sorority sisters and fraternity brothers, and everyone deserves to know how much you love them. So how do you show that love? With chocolate? Flowers? How about those hilarious Comic Sans valentine cards with terrible puns? That’s the winner. But maybe you’re not sure what Valentine to send, so don’t worry, we’ve already taken care of finding the perfect Valentine’s Day card for every person in your life.
The nostalgic. This card is perfect for that special someone who LOVES nostalgia. Maybe it’s your mom who loves to talk about how much you loved Finding Nemo as a child, how you used to quote it all the time and ran around the house screaming “I’m gonna touch the butt” and pretending to speak whale. Or maybe you’ve got a friend who is always first in line when a new Disney sequel hits theatres despite that friend being in their 20’s and has no children.
The sporty shorty. Maybe one of your guy friends is constantly checking ESPN on his phone, always the first to make his March Madness bracket, and obsesses over fantasy football. He’s still mourning the Super Bowl (sorry, Falcons) and you’re worried he has a candlelight vigil set up in memory of the Falcons. It was a heartbreaking loss, we know, but this sporty Valentine will cheer him up in no time. Or at least, it’ll make him laugh and he’ll go back to mourning. Worth a shot.
The Harry Potter-obsessed friend. We ALL have a friend who is obsessed with Harry Potter (and maybe you’re that friend too), and this is the card for him. I don't know how it happened, but there's always that ONE friend, despite being the biggest frat/srat star on campus, that has a secret endless knowledge of all things HP. Anyway, this card is perfect because it's cute, it’s to the point, and it’s the perfect pun on the name of the late headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry (sorry if I spoiled it… but come on, it’s been out long enough, Dumbledore dies ok?). It may spark a heated debate among your nerd friends on whether or not Dumbledore is a hero or not, but nothing brings a squad closer than a good ol’ nerd debate.
Your basic sorority sister. I know, I hate the term “basic” as much as you do when it comes to describing sorority girls. But we’d be lying if we said that this type doesn't exist. You know, the girl who always has her iPhone on ring, her Ugg boots on, and is always always always sipping a Frappucino. Hey, at least she’s true to herself. And this Valentine is sure to make her laugh and say “literally me, I can’t even” in between sips.
That friend that still plays Pokémon Go. I don’t know exactly when Pokémon Go became a thing, or when it kinda died, but it definitely isn’t as cool as it was this summer. Could be the cold weather, could be that the hype just kinda flattened out, but you know that one friend who sneers at the quitters and says that cold weather is no excuse to stop catching them all. It’s a classic, and though Pikachu is sooo mainstream, it’s still cute and sweet.
The Office superfan. Okay, we here at the Houndstooth Press believe that everyone should love The Office. It’s the perfect comedy, and everyone can relate to at least one character, if not all of them. But a lot of the times, it’s not power couple Jim and Pam that comes to mind when it comes to true love. No, it’s definitely the love that exists between Stanley Hudson and pretzel day that we identify most with. All the other days of the year pale in comparison to pretzel day. That day shines like a beacon of hope in an otherwise dark life. But pretzel day? That’s a good day. We all want a love like Stanley and pretzel day.
Your passive-aggressive sarcastic pal. We all remember the shock and disbelief that came when Prince Hans says to Anna, “if only there was someone who loved you,” as he left her to freeze to death and die. Now, luckily that story has a happy ending. But man, what a burn, right? We all have that friend that we roast on the regular to remind them we love them. We don’t know why, but you know when you’re insulting your friend back and forth, you’ve got true, deep, lasting friendship.
The Friends addict. We all remember when Joey went on a date and decided that the lady was NOT the one when she tried to eat some of his food. And we totally get it. Foods before dudes, right? Nobody better touch my food. But you know it’s real love if you’re willing to share your food with a friend, or a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or whoever you’re sharing food with. If you’re willing to let them take a little off of your plate, that’s true love right there. Your pal who is obsessed with Friends will definitely LOL at this one.
The political activist. Shoutout to your girl who is well-versed in the issues but still enjoys political memes. Bonus points if she’s a fan of the Obama-Biden BFFS memes, because let’s be honest, despite your political affiliation, those are so cute and funny. I mean, just imagining Barack and Joe making friendship bracelets is too cute. This Valentine is for your girl who loves puns, memes, and of course, political humor. She’s the Obama to your Biden, or vice versa.
The history fan. So, this one could go two ways: either your friend who’s majoring in history or is just a big fan of history, or your friend who is obsessed with Hamilton, the biggest Broadway hit since… well, since ever. Or maybe your friend who is obsessed with history AND Hamilton. This friend is probably obsessively playing the Schuyler Sisters singing “America the Beautiful” at the Super Bowl (include women in the sequel, indeed). This Valentine will surely get the tune stuck in their head, but hey, it’s a breakup song between Britain and the Thirteen Colonies. So, that’s an awesome Valentine’s song.
We hope you spread the love around this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re single or in a loving relationship. There’s plenty of people in your life that deserve to feel the love, so get to sharing it!!