How to Choose the Perfect Function Date

We've all been there. A function comes around and the date options are endless. Or horribly limited, depending on how many times you've brushed your hair for class in the last few weeks. Functions are arguably the best thing about being in a sorority- Thursday nights will most likely become some of your most fun college mems. But in order to have a killer time on the dance floor, you've got to ask the right date! If you're in your prime, you'll have to weigh the pros and cons of the countless guys vying for your attention.

Snl Magic Mike

If you're in a dry spot, you'll be trying to remember which boys you've made sufficient eye contact with in the last 2 weeks to ask without being a thirsty creep.  

Awkward Aaron

Here are some of our suggestions on how to pick the perfect guy: 

1. Can he hang with your squad?

While dates are important, we all know functions are really about hanging with your gal pals. Your girls bring the party, your date supplies the cute couple pics. So it is absolutely 100% necessary that whatever date you bring can mesh with your friends. We've all been the girl who accidentally brings the awkward date who stands in the corner by himself all night. We never want to be that girl again. The easiest way to bring the right dude is take somebody who all your friends already know! Either ask a guy that hangs with your group or ask for a random set up. Everybody has that one girl who is pals with every hot guy on campus. She's always reliable to set you up with a cute guy who is down for a good time. Have her send you sneaky screen shots of all the eligible bachelors and take your pic!

Miley Point

2. Is he single?

Now we aren't begging for a Ring by Spring from every dude we make eye contact with, but let's be real. Nobody wants to take a date who doesn't have potential to fall in love with you. Plus, if his attentions are focused elsewhere, he's going to forget to do all the essential date obligations. Like telling you that you're pretty and buying you Waffle House after the function. He doesn't have to be your next boyfriend, but he should at least be potential crush material. If he's already given out the final rose, we're gonna have to pass. 

Ben Rose

3. Will he bust a move?

This may or may not be the most important qualification for a function date. Can he dance? Who cares. Will he dance? He better. It is 100000000000000000 times better to take a date who will smoke the dance floor with humiliating moves than to take one who will awkwardly step back and forth to the beat. Nobody wants to hang out with a guy who is silently judging your Whip and Nae Nae all night. He should be Hitting the Quan and Ju Ju-ing right along with you. If he's not shameless, he's not your guy. When the Stanky Leg comes on, he better be out there flailing around with the best of them. Always always always choose the Albert Brennaman. 

Hitch Dance

4. Will he let you pick his costume?

Your sorority always comes up with the best themes for functions, and you always come up with the best costumes. You never fail to hit the balance between funny and cute, and he is not going to be the one to ruin your streak. Whatever date you ask must be ready and willing to put on the sparkly leggings, face paint, meatball costume, or whatever you decide to put him in. Extra brownie points if he can bring funny costume suggestions of his own to the table. No matter what, he should take his wig with a smile. 

Dwight Wig

5. Is he a clinger?

We want attention. But not THAT much attention. Hang with me, then go away. Then hang with me some more, and go away again. Rinse and repeat. Your whole night shouldn't consist of babysitting your date and making sure he's having a good time. If he can't bring the good time with him, it's a hard no. Your date should be able to float around and chat with your friends and the other guys he knows at the function. You want a social butterfly, not a koala. If your dude is gonna stick to you like velcro, you will have regrets on regrets. 


6. Does he still need a babysitter?

Unless his parents are paying you to take him to this function, you shouldn't have to be taking care of your date. If he's gonna need somebody to clean up after him and provide constant supervision, it's a no. He is not a child, so he shouldn't act like one. If he's gonna get too sleepy and choose to take a random nap on the sidewalk, in the hallway, or on the kitchen floor, it's a no. If he has the immune system of a five year old and vomits at unpredictable times, it's a no. At this point, we expect that everyone has learned the basic lessons on how to play well with others, but there's no guarantee. If he can't get through the night without throwing a fit or getting in a fight, it's a no. 

Sleeping Baby

I think it's been established that picking the perfect function date is essential to having a good time. Hopefully now you have the qualifications to picking a guy who won't bore you to death or embarrass you in front of every person you know. And if you can't find the perfect date, just kick it alone!!! Let's be honest, you're more fun than any dude on campus anyway.  

Bey Single Ladies


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