Chapter. Everyone's favorite. We all love our sororities, but chapter is arguably the worst part of sisterhood. Every Monday night hundreds of girls dress up to cram into one stuffy room to talk about things everyone already knows about. We try to have a good attitude, but if we're being completely honest, chapter really really sucks a whole dang lot. Here is a compilation of your thoughts during chapter in Kardashian form:
When the daily email says "No T-Shirt Chapter"
Bad news. Bad, bad news. You may not be able to read the rest of the email because your eyes are clouded with tears. This means that after a day of dragging your slobby self through campus, you have to come home and put on a dress. A DRESS. What kind of college student has time for a dress? You would rather stay in your Houndstooth T-shirt and dirty sneakers than brush your hair and dig through your closet for pin attire. We all know you'll probably throw a game day dress over a sports bra and call it a day, but still.
When you're trying to clothe yourself for formal chapter
You've spent the whole day taking naps and hopping from class to class in the heat. You are sweaty. You are dirty. You are sleepy. You are not prepared for formal chapter. You'll probably spend 45 seconds tearing through your closet for a dress that won't reveal your sports bra secret. Or maybe you won't care enough and you'll just own it. If they're lucky, you'll swipe on some mascara. But they probably aren't. Next comes shoes. Heels? Ha-Ha. New Balances? Always. You consider shaving your legs, then laugh to yourself and run downstairs in all of your Sasquatchy glory.
When cell phones aren't allowed in the chapter room
The whole time your president is talking, you're just thinking about the 18 GroupMes that are inevitably blowing up right now. You're missing so many jokes, memes, gossip, and homework reminders. It will take at least 7 minutes of your time to back track through these and catch up. What kind of college student has 7 minutes to spare? You may even exhibit physical signs of distress. Like a rash. Or back sweat.
When your Philanthropy Chair asks if anybody wants to table at the Union
You'll do a lot of things to serve your sorority, but you won't do that. When it comes to working the philanthropy event, you're in. But standing in the heat trying to hand flyers to irritated students is not a good time. You would feel pressure to wear real clothes in case you see cute boys. That's too much to ask. Just say no. The freshmen will do it, they haven't experienced the torture yet.
When they say "No guests at CFF this week"
What are they thinking?! This has to be a joke. You've been promising the cute boy in your bio class CFF for weeks now. This was your chance!!!!! CFF with guests is the back bone of your social life. It's the one chance to hang out with whatever cute boy you've got your eye on that week without having to really put yourself out there. What kind of dude says no to CFF? No dude says no to CFF. It's a painless, risk free way to make a boy fall in love with you. Canceling CFF with guests is really just not an option.
When exec yells at the freshmen for who knows what
The universal rule stands true. It's always the freshmen's fault. But nobody wants to sit around listening to people getting roasted for something stupid. Especially when it's something that has nothing to do with you in any way shape or form. What kind of college student has time to sit around and listen to somebody else get yelled at? You've got things to do and places to be. They should just send an email and be done with it.
When your Social Chair announces a date function.... on Thursday
Oh man. Do you know any boys? Your mind just went blank. The panic is setting in. You have approximately 3 days to ask a boy to your function. It usually takes you 3 days to decide on the right date, and another 3 days to psych yourself up to ask him. This is not enough time. Does the cute boy in your bio class like to dance? What's his name again? Dang it. Can you take your dog? Is that allowed?
When your Academic Chair complains about low GPAs
You really don't need to be reminded. You are fully aware of what a complete failure you are. It isn't your fault that you had to take 18 hours to catch up from crashing freshman year. Well, maybe it is. But still! People need to stop expecting so much. You're just one person. You showed up to chapter tonight, isn't that enough?! Still, you're going to buckle down in the library for the rest of your life so you never have to feel like this again. Go school!
When you think it's over and the President says "And one more thing..."
What a jerk. We're all tired! Let us leave! You put on a dress, came to chapter, didn't fall asleep, didn't audibly cry, and didn't even punch anyone. You've done your duty to the chapter, and now it's time for bed. Mondays are hard. It's time to call it a day and snuggle up in bed with your favorite stuffed animals.
Yeah, chapter sucks. We all know it. But when it comes down to it, you still love being in a sorority. Showing up to chapter once a week is totally worth it.